Our last list on this subject rustled a lot of jimmies, but it’s very important knowledge. If you do not want to be mistaken for a cuck, it’s best to review this list and our last, then purge your body of all identifiers.
1. Cuck Goggles
Every cuck has these. Thick, obnoxious, black rimmed glasses that they think distract you from their lack of personality, weak chin, and generally boring facial features. If you wear cuck goggles, we’re not saying to get contacts, we’re just saying to stop wearing those embarrassing abominations immediately.
2. Everything In Plaid
Because cuckolds have absolutely no sense of style (their significant other might not be cheating on them if they did), they generally wear plaid 5-7 days a week. It’s a disgrace. Plaid is an abomination, and unless you are working in a coal mine or cutting down trees for a living, you should not be wearing it more than a few days a month.
3. Bernie Sanders Campaign Paraphernalia
Self explanatory. We get it. Two years ago you were a young, stupid fool. You’ve grown up now and you’re no longer swayed by communist fantasies. It’s time to throw out every last bit of Bernie gear you have or else, frankly, you don’t just look like a cuck, you are a cuck.
4. Coexist Bumper Sticker
Tell the next cuck you see driving around with one of these to take his wife and his wife’s son to visit Qatar and see how well his coexist bumper sticker goes over there.
5. Greasy, Nasty Looking Hair
Why don’t these people know how to wash their hair? Or do they wash their hair only to ruin it with the cheapest Walmart brand hair gel? It’s confusing, and frankly it’s disgusting. Hair should only look wet to the touch for about 10 minutes after you get out of the shower.
6. Nothing But Shitty Band T-Shirts
If they’re not wearing plaid, they’re wearing a 9 Inch Nails t-shirt from 5 years ago. Don’t do this. You’re an adult, go get some big boy clothes.
7. They Share HuffPo, BuzzFeed, New York Times on Facebook Unironically
Just delete these people from your friends list. We’re legally obliged to call them human, but frankly, the test results may suggest otherwise.