5 Reasons Why Right-Wingers Are More Attractive

Lauren Southern

You’ve probably already made the distinction on social media and YouTube: nationalist, more conservative figureheads are generally more beautiful people than their leftist counterparts. But you may be wondering why.

Is this mere coincidence?

No. Here are the facts behind the science:

1. Happier People Are More Attractive

God Emperor Trump

And since Republicans are more likely to be middle-class, married, and secure in their self-expression, they are less likely to have their features warped by resting bitchface and perpetual outrage.

2. Traditional Beauty Standards

Like it or not, people want to look Nick and Nora Charles (played by William Powell and Myrna Loy), not Seth Rogan and Lena Dunham.

Traditional beauty is traditional because it endures through generations. There are benchmarks that change from time to time, but there will always be a higher positive response to someone who looks like Marilyn Monroe or Cary Grant than slovenly post-modernist hippies.

3. Fitness And Exercise

Stop A Commie

Following up the last point, conservatives tend to put more care into personal appearance. Instead of subscribing to the fat-acceptance and female body hair narratives, they are more likely to believe that physical appeal is earned, not handed out like broth in a communist soup line.

This is why the left seeks to shame /fit/ men and women who go to the gym and exercise.

4. Less Miscegenation

Self-explanatory.

5. Genetics

Even Trump’s grandparents look damn good.

Intelligence, beauty, and resourcefulness are often hereditary and passed down through well-maintained bloodlines for generations.

Look for instance at the Trump family. Donald J. Trump’s parents were handsome people of Scottish, Irish, and German descent, and his wives (through other bloodlines, obviously)  and children have all been blessed with that hereditary beauty.

(Not to mention you have to be genetically blessed to have a schlong as long and girthy as Trump’s.)

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